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Hormones, Homesickness plus a Tiny human who just wanted to stick to me!

 

Name: Crystal Mangalathu

Location: U.K

 

Managing pregnancy and postpartum during the pandemic away from home is a roller coaster ride. In this post Crystal talks to us about her journey in the year 2020.

 

Enya was born on 7/10/2020 at 7:10am

Pregnancy

 

1.    Being Away from home + The Pandemic -- Who was there to support you during your Pregnancy and Post-Partum journey?

 

When we found out we were pregnant in 2020, the world had taken a 360 degree turn with the lockdowns, panic buying, and getting accustomed to the “new normal” of staying home. During that time, I have never been more grateful for the technology; I used to video-call my sister (Greta) almost every day. She has virtually seen me grow physically, grow tired/ angsty, and has listened to me complain endlessly.

 

Besides that, one of my closest friends, Aparna had given birth in 2019. She was my go-to person regarding all my doubts and worries on parenthood. She still continues to be!

 

2.    You are working on getting your PhD along with your pregnancy? How do you manage your time?

 

Since everyone was affected by the pandemic, universities were lenient in allowing more time to complete all courses, regardless of the level. I had communicated with my supervisor about my pregnancy early on, and she assured me that I am at a good place with the research and I could still meet the proposed deadline even if I took a break. 

 

I suspended my research for 6 months from October 2020-April 2021. Getting back to research was the hardest bit.

 

 

3.    Did you have nausea or vomiting? If yes is there anything that helped decrease it?

Owing to bleeding occurring at the same time as my period was due and travel, we did not found out we were pregnant for a long time (for 11 weeks!)

 

I had terrible constipation while we were in Kerala for holiday. But did not figure out it was pregnancy-related. So I did everything a normal person would do to relieve oneself, like sipping lukewarm water, having arishtams, and so on.

 

 

 

4.    Did you do any exercises during pregnancy ?

 

I used to do pelvic floor exercises including squats, consciously for pregnancy. Other than that, I considered doing household chores a work-out in itself.

 

5.    Did you have any particular food cravings?

 

I guess I craved for Kerala Biriyani, not for the taste in particular, but the feeling on your fingers as you take the first urula of perfectly cooked rice. 

 

6.    What is your favourite part about your pregnancy?

 

I really liked reading up on what the foetus was capable of doing each week as we progressed. That was fascinating.

 

 

7.    What do you think are some “must haves” when you pack a hospital bag?

 

A toiletry bag for the mother with compartments for essentials like soap, comb, maternity pads, newspaper for disposal, and toilet paper to pat dry: so you have everything you need in one place.

 

A hot-water bag for aches and an extra pillow.

 

8.    What is one thing that you missed about being away from India during pregnancy?

 

There were times I really missed the convenience of “getting things done for you” at home.

 

9.    Any advices to pregnant ladies out there?

 

While it is wonderful that we have an abundance of knowledge at our fingertips, it can get overwhelming. You know your body the best so take it all in with a pinch of salt and when in doubt speak to your doctor/ midwife and DO NOT google.

 

Post-Partum

 

10.                    How did you deal with anxiety while in labour?

 

Fortunately, my husband was allowed with me in the labour room. So he was with me from the time that I got admitted.

 

I also took a sketch book to distract myself.

 

11.                    How many hours of sleep did you and your husband get during the initial 2 weeks?

 

It was hard, but we had introduced bottle to Enya from day 3 or 4 itself; so we would take turns feeding her during the nights. So even though I would be awake when she was awake, I would get a block of time to rest. 

 

12.                    Did you get angry easily or anxious during your post-partum days?

I remember crying a lot during the initial days—hormones, homesickness, milk coming in, plus a tiny human who just wanted to stick to you!

 

Anger settled in later around 4-5 months, I guess mostly because of sleep deprivation and tiredness on top of Vitamin D deficiency. 

 

 

13.                    Do you feel the number of days offered as paternity leave is less? Do you feel that fathers need a greater number of days off so that they can bond with the new born?

Definitely! My husband only got 2 weeks of paternity leave. More leave allows fathers not just to bond with the new born but also to support the new mother.

 

Two weeks is too less for fathers as they also go through sleep deprivation and hormonal changes, I genuinely believe more time should be allowed for fathers to make sense of the new phase in their life.

 

Tittu, Crystal and baby Enya 

14.                    What was your post-partum diet like?

 

To be honest, I did not follow any recommended post-partum diet. We prioritised on easiness, so it included a wide range of items from kanji to take-outs.

 

15.                     Every parent at some point has to deal with a colicky baby? How did you and your husband cope with it?

 

We used to take her out on walks in a baby carrier very early on. I think being very snug to our bodies and getting fresh air helped a lot to calm her down.

 

16.                    Did you have friends to support you during this journey?

 

Yes, we are eternally grateful for Binil and Mohana, a Malayali couple who live very close to us. They used to bring us food very often, and carry Enya around while they were at our place.

 

 Also Adam and Lucy when they came, really took care of Enya—from changing her nappies and putting her to sleep. 😊

 

 

17.                    Did your new born have trouble latching/breastfeeding? If yes, how did you deal with this?

 

Yes! She latched very well initially when we were still at the hospital, but once the milk came in, it was chaos! For a few weeks, I had an oversupply, but since she was too tiny, was not strong enough to manage the milk flow.

 

That is when I decided to pump and feed her using a bottle. Even though pumping required a lot of time and energy, this helped me to take care of her more confidently.     

 

18.                    Nowadays we see society glorifying post baby mother’s body bounce back. What are your thoughts about this?

 

I think there is a lot of pressure in terms of “bouncing back”. I used to compare myself with other mothers post-partum and gave myself unrealistic goals, which in retrospect was a silly thing to do. Everyone has a different physiology and different challenges and suggesting that all mothers must achieve a standardised beauty goal is really insensitive.

 

There are also a lot of “love your body” campaigns, which borders toxic positivity. Sometimes I am not at peace with my body and how it looks and asking to be content with it also doesn’t help.

 

 

19.                    You’re happy, you're sad, you're worried, you're excited. You may even find yourself grieving your old life even though you are beyond excited for this new chapter. Did you have all these feelings all at once during your post partum period?

 

Yes, it was a roller-coaster ride! Being a person attached to routines, letting go of it was very hard. Even though I am not the most patient parent, my patience has grown tremendously!    


 

20.                    The Pandemic caused travel restrictions which made it difficult for your parents to come over to UK to help you during this journey. What was your first reaction to this?

 

We realised it quite early on that they might not be able to travel, neither I there. So I was okay with it. 😊

 

21.                    What was your favourite part of your post-partum period?

 

I really enjoyed the fact that as new parents, we decided on a lot of things without consulting anyone else. I really enjoyed the ability to make independent decisions for my family as well as myself. I firmly believe that this might not have been possible, were we at home in India.   

 

 

22.                    What is one thing that you missed about being away from India during your post-partum?

 

As mentioned earlier, I missed things getting done for you, like cooking and cleaning and doing laundry and so on 😊

 

23.                    How do you think the hospital/midwives/doctors could do for parents to better prepare for the postpartum period?

 

I think being empathetic to individual needs and cultivating a safe space where parents can approach the doctors/ midwives with any doubts.

 

Here in the UK, every area has a helpline dedicated to answer all your questions regarding the child (up to 5 years). They are professionals and would guide you to decide if an issue was serious to take your child to the hospital. I was assured that no question is too silly to ask and I really made use of this during the initial period. (I called them to ask about a skin rash, pooping pattern, feeding habits, etc) They were kind and reassuring. 😊

 

 

 

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