I closed my eyes even though I had turned
the lights off. The night was dark but even the small beam of light sprouting
from my neighbour’s room into mine
made me feel agitated. I tried not to think too much but closed eyes made it
worse. The more I thought about it, the more rapid my heart raced. Just then I
could hear voices of gossip. The words were crispy clear although they should
be whispering.
"He might have physically
abused her,” said a female voice.
“It's him I tell you it's all because of him” said another voice!
“Why else do you think he has
shut himself inside that room. He can't face us..."
"Maybe she had an extra marital affair and he caught her red handed,”
said another enthusiastic voice.
I closed the window in my room but the voices could still be heard. But
this time it was distant. Women tend to believe that they have inherited the
genes of Sherlock homes in them. They create evidences and situations just by
their mouths which cannot stay shut at the sight of another species of their
kind. If my own relatives can talk about me in this manner what would the
others be saying. These thoughts made me restless. I despise calling them my
aunties. I don't want them to console me but at least these talks can be done a
little less loudly. Tomorrow they'd be all gone. I calmed my pulse to this
thought.
To my joy they all
fled early morning the very next day. I was alone now. I was hungry too. As I
walked to the kitchen the smell of coffee was so seducing that it dragged me to
the kitchen. Standing across the kitchen was my beautiful wife. She looked
flawless in her light pink kurta which matched her rosy cheeks. I hugged her
and put my arms around her waist while giving a small peck on her cheeks.
Suddenly the smell of the coffee disappeared. Everything around me seemed grey.
She was gone too. But where did she disappear? She was right here next to me.
My head is spinning now. What's happening? Am I dreaming? How did smell of the
coffee vanish? The world I was in a minute ago just vaporized into thin
air. I stood there trembling. I could feel my hands shaking. I heard a loud
thud. Next minute I know I was staring at the floor frightened and lost. There
were shattered glass pieces lying on the floor. Now where did this come from?
The broken glass
pieces were now blurry. I felt clammy and cold.
I opened my eyes to an unpleasant sight of an I.V bottle hanging in mid-air. My
eyes followed the tube to find its end attached to my own hand. Perplexed, I
looked around the room. Just then a lady dressed in white entered
the room. She had a
bright smile on finding me with wide opened eyes. "How did I reach here?
“I asked her. "Your driver is the one who bought you. He found you lying unconscious
on the kitchen floor ."
A man with
a stethoscope wrapped around his neck dressed in formals entered the room.
" Mr. John how are you feeling now?" He asked. "Doctor, could
you please explain what happened to me? “I asked in a shaky voice.
" I will tell you everything John, but first you must tell me
everything you can recollect "he said patting my back. I told him
everything without leaving off any detail from the time I woke up to the things
that were on the kitchen table.
"Mr. John this was an illusion. You just saw what your mind wanted
to see. You wanted your wife in the kitchen making coffee for you. Since your
mind is programmed to this daily routine you assumed that she was there. Your
wife passed away 2 days ago. Yesterday was the funeral. All your relatives left
today morning."
Like thunder striking the silver clouds I could feel my heart
slit open in pain. The images of the letter, rope, lies and the plan were
flashing in my mind. Without giving me a minute to grasp the reality the doctor
continued. "Since you were hungry you walked straight into the kitchen but
your imagination got the best of you. You felt that your wife suddenly
disappeared because you stopped imagining. The minute you stopped imagining she
was gone. Unconsciously you hit the kitchen table behind you breaking the wine
bottle. The loud sound of the bottle shattering on the ground brought you out
of your illusion". "All this happened so fast that it frightened you.
Since you didn't have your breakfast in the morning your glucose level
was low and you fainted."
As the doctor was about to leave, I tried to
read his name on the badge clipped on his white coat. To my disbelief it read
"Chief psychiatrist".
As soon as he left the room, I checked my pocket for the letter. It was
still there. Relived by its sight I heaved a long breath. It was all crumbled
up with its sides torn. This was the piece of paper that got me here. I kept it
back inside. I decided to keep this letter as a reminder to how all of this
happened in the first place, so that I wouldn't feel guilty. As I thought to myself,
I scanned the room to find a way to escape.
A few hours later I was
discharged. But to my surprise I was accompanied by a policeman all the way to
home. Throughout the journey I could feel a lump in my throat. My heart was racing.
I didn't ask a word about why he was with me. I could see him slyly reading
every small change in my emotions. I remained as normal as possible but that could
not stop the sweat dripping down my forehead.
Once
I reached home, I thought he will leave instead he came inside along with me.
Even then I did not bother questioning him so I went straight to the bathroom
and locked myself there. I heaved a sigh of relief and immediately pulled open
the letter again.
After reading the letter I went back to the room and
closed my eyes. My mind was full of fury. Every time I read the letter, I felt
that each word being scribed into my skin with a sharp sword. I wanted to sleep
but her face popped up every single time. I clenched by hands hard. I opened my
eyes to the sound of a door bell. I quickly walked to the door forgetting all
about the policeman inside my house. He got up and went to get the door before
I could reach it. When he opened the door a girl , probably in her late
twenties stood by the door step.
She introduced herself as my new neighbour. She was a bit stunned to see
a cop inside my house. She said that it had been a month since she shifted but
she never got the time to stop by. After a short conversation she got up to
leave. But just as she was about to leave something made me call her back,
"Miss, you never told me your name." She replied " Oh yes
I forgot to tell you that. ! My name is Susan". Suddenly my heart
dropped. I could feel my body trembling. I could hear that name echoing
repeatedly in my ear. I sat on the chair and went into deep thought.
" Is everything alright?" she asked. " No, its not. Can you
please read this and tell me if this was for you." I took out the
letter from my pocket and handed it to her. The letter was crumbled by now. She
looked all the more confused now. My hands became stiff. My heart beat was as
loud as the thunder as she began reading it. After reading the letter she said
"Jerry is my ex-boyfriend. I happen to bump into him last week at a coffee
shop nearby. He must have found my new address. Anyways this letter was
addressed to me but I think the postman sent it here by mistake.!"
My voice grew soft, as I replied “My wife ... Her name ......was also
Susan".
I covered my face with my hand and just dropped myself
onto the chair .I felt like my whole life was falling apart.My mind went blank.
The letter read:
Dear Susan,
I know my letter will come in as a surprise for you. Maybe even as a shock.
If you are wondering why I took the pain to write you a letter then it's as
simple as this. It's because I wanted to tell you that I still love you. Though
we met accidentally after 5 years at the coffee shop a week ago, that meeting
made me realise how precious you are. I'm sorry if I did anything wrong in the
past but I can't live without you. You cut contact with most of our friends so
I was not sure of your phone number either. A few of our friends told me that
you are married. I hope that's a lie. And even if you are married, I do not
care because I still love you. And I know you love me too because at the coffee
shop when we spoke even though it was just for five minute I could sense the
love in your eyes as well. Please call me back if you get this letter. I'm
leaving my phone number below 3773738387. Waiting for you.
With love
Jerry
Months later ...
It's 2:15am now. I'm in
the central jail. I see nightmares all the time. Sometimes, I see her standing
next to me. It frightens me. I always stare at the wall and all I see is
her name, "Susan".
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